The Letting Go

It’s not always about the right and wrongs of each other. Sometimes it's just a cruel world. You live and learn that hurt and heartaches are coming. They will scar you, they will break you, they will leave you completely unaware of who you actually are. In those moments of defeat you can feel the spiral coming. You are unraveling at the seams. Each breath gets heavier and heavier to take in. Life as you know it has ended. 

They have moved on, given their heart to another. Are they worthy? That’s not up to you to decide. That one that you gave your all to, the one who shattered you to your core. They are now out there giving their all to another. Meanwhile, you are left still fanning the flame and waiting on the smoke to clear.

Your path isn’t always going to be smokey. The smoke will fade and the heart will mend. Those scars you thought would cause you to bleed to death eternally will slowly begin to heal. They will eventually harden. Those scars will make it so hard to let another in. To even think about being that vulnerable again is battle. It's a hurt the heart doesn’t want to see or feel again.

You have options, you know that you do. But, are they worth it? Is the risk even worth taking? The longer the heart stays closed, the more it wants to stay that way. You have built walls, put a lock at every entry gate. Do you want them to come in? Who are you going to give the keys to your heart too? Your kids have a key to the family room. Some family members are allowed in, others are not. The heart is a funny thing, it has a way of changing. It has a way of closing doors we never dreamed we’d close. There was a time when your internal home was a free for all! Your heart overflowed with joy and happiness. When new people entered you accepted them with open arms. Not anymore!

This is part of the journey of life. It’s just a stop on the journey, it’s not your final destination. Let God have that key. Let him come in and rearrange things the way that they need to be. Let him give out the copies of keys. Afterall, you don’t want them in the wrong hands.

It’s okay to take your time in this healing process. What is not okay, is dwelling in it. Hurt and pain are going to happen. There is really no way to prepare for them. We get dealt blows regardless of time or situation. But… How will you handle this situation? Are you going to let it break you or make you? THIS is where your options begin, this is where YOU have to decide. It’s not easy, it never will be. But life is worth getting up and dusting off for! People will tell you, do it for your kids, do it for your family, do it for your friends. NO! Do it for you! You deserve it more than any of them! You now have a clean slate! Get yourself up and dust off! Make yourself notes of what you want this new beginning to look like! Write down where you hope to be in a year, 5 years, 10 years. Your old life may be over, but this new one is just beginning! Make it beautiful!

God will never leave you, lead you astray or hurt you. Set boundaries for yourself, set goals for yourself! Each day get up (even if you don’t want to) and take another step toward your goal. Depression isn’t a battle you want to fight alone! It’s a lonely, dark and heavy place! Find those you trust and let them in. There is so much joy and peace ahead of you. You have to believe this!

My mom always told me, “Get up, get dressed, put your makeup on, fix your hair.” She is a true believer that your inside will reflect what your outside looks like. Is that so? Ehh, I don’t know. But, I do know that it doesn’t hurt anything.

Find yourself a good devotional or podcast to get in to. Get into your Bible! There is peace in that book! I sometimes just sit or lay with it on me. It truly provides peace. I find that when I start my day with God, it allows Him to have our first step of the day. It gives him the lead to take us in the direction he desires for us. 

Proverbs 20:24 “Even a courageous person’t steps are determined by the Lord, so how can anyone understand his own way.”

Proverbs 16:9 “ A person’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.”

I learned the hard way that it's a lot easier to just ask God the way than to try to figure it out on our own. Unbeknownst to me, there are a LOT of curves, hills, drop offs, dead ends and everything else if we take our own path. Have you ever played, the floor is lava with your kids? This is how I felt about my life for a little while. And man, did I get tired of all that jumping! It wore me out! It brought highs and it brought lows. I was like a hamster in that wheel just running and running! I wasn’t going anywhere and it was wearing me out!! I finally reached that moment where I had to run back to God. I had to apologize for the years of running. For all the things I tried to do on my own! Not a single one of those ideas panned out either!

My little life these days is not perfect at all, but it is mine!!! My kids and I have created a safe place.  A place that we call home, a place that we love. Our routines change and we begin to make a new life for ourselves. They are happy and I have the peace of the joy of the Lord. Because of him I overcame every battle that I faced during that difficult time. I have been able to build back better! Each day I wake up and let him lead! I try each morning to do my Bible reading and prayer. Otherwise I start my day out stumbling and eventually I will fall on my face. 

If you have read this and you are going through a hard time, please know that it will end. There really is light at the end of the tunnel. Even if they have to change the bulb out a few times. Don’t give up! Decide what makes YOU happy and do it!!! If you have children, let them help you get back up on your feet. Children are resilient. They too will bounce back. Bond with them, let them vent to you. Learn their hurts and hangups so that you can help them. Go to counseling if you need to. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help! We all need it at some point. 

Make your list!

Find YOUR people!

Make yourself a priority!

Take care of your health, mentally and physically.

Leave the past in the past!! 

Prioritize your relationship with Christ! Let him carry you through the  bad times and let him lead you to the good ones. 

You will never regret putting value in yourself. If you have kids, they need to see this too! They learn more from watching you than talking to you! They see way more than we realize too! Be the person that they need to be!